Category: Personal

How I Push Myself To Do Uncomfortable Things

Uncertainty is inevitable.

Fear is inevitable.

We all experience it.

But how we deal with it is a different story.

After trying and experimenting many different things over my 3 decades here on Earth, here’s what I have learned.

Are you proud of what you’ve done?

Is this who I am? Someone who doesn’t take action?

Those two phrases power me every day.

Whenever I face a difficult challenge, I ask those things.

Cold email, networking, jumping on a call, podcast, etc.

They all scared me.

BJJ, MMA, boxing, wrestling.

I’ve done these for over 20 years.

I’m still scared.

But the trick is, I ask those two questions mentioned above to get me fired up.

Is this just me?

The thing is this.

We all CAN change.

It comes down to a choice.

What choice will you make?

Remember this: whatever’s happened in the past is the past.

You CAN change.

Take action.

Be fearless.

Live without regrets.

Don’t be that person

“You’re never going to change.”

“That isn’t you.”

“We’ve been together 20 years. Don’t bother.”

“You say you want to do. But you won’t.”

“You don’t have confidence.”

Please don’t do this.

  • Don’t discourage people.
  • Don’t kill someone’s dreams.
  • Don’t put people down.
  • Don’t place insecurity onto others.

Instead, do this.

  • Be encouraging
  • Be loving
  • Be supportive
  • Be open-minded
  • Be creative
  • Be a partner
  • Be loyal
  • Be a fighter
  • Be hopeful

Be positive vs. negative.

Be supportive vs. unsupportive.

Be hopeful vs. pessimistic.

Be loving vs. uncaring.

Be open-minded vs. close-minded.

Here’s the thing.

The world is your oyster.

You never know what can happen.

So why not choose the path to happiness and exploration.

That’s how to live.

An ounce of happiness

Everything means nothing when all is gone.

You won’t take your cars, your houses, your money to your grave.

Your status games, your desire to show off, your need to please.

None of it matters.

So focus on what makes you happy.

Maybe it’s taking a walk outside at night.

Maybe it’s tinkering with toys.

Maybe it’s a hot meal out near the beach.

Whatever it is, do that.

Be happy.

In a world where social media reigns supreme and everyone is trying to go viral, stick to what makes you happy.

Sanity is nice.

Forget your pride

Yes. You heard that right.

Forget your pride.

Forget trying to be right.

Forget trying to always be number 1.

Forget trying to stomp all over everyone.

Forget trying to prove everything to everyone.

Forget being miserable.

Forget being prideful.

When all’s said and done, and the ashes have cleared, only the people who truly matter will remain.

When they’re gone, they’re gone.

Forget your pride.

Let them know how much you love them.

Don’t wait.

Don’t let your pride sink in.

Just let the words out.

Be grateful.

Time is limited.

Time is precious.

This is our one life.

Our one and only life.

The Grind.

*Originally posted back in May 7, 2017 after leaving my corporate job

What is the “grind”?

My definition of the “grind” is the ability, determination, and willingness to push through an obstacle, despite the unnerving challenges ahead.

This can be working hard at your job to finish a project deadline, working through the Nth hour on your small business, or even anxiously pummeling your way to complete your last set of push-ups.

As a wrestler and lifelong martial artist, I’ve sustained numerous injuries, puked my share of times after practice, and generally felt like giving up.

But I would always recall the “grind”.

How could I look at myself and just quit?

How could I allow myself to just stop when the going got tough?

I can’t.

To grind through tough circumstances is what develops character, strength, heart, and dedication.

It can be hard though.

Fear, rejection, and anxiety. We all face it.

But what’s important is to remember we will endure it.

We will get past it.

You can grind through the pain.

And remember, when you do, cherish every moment.

Soak it all in.

You earned it.

Because when you take a step back, you tell yourself, “I did this. On my own”.

Grind through the circumstances.

Grind through the challenges and obstacles that lie up ahead.

You’ll be proud of yourself for having done so.

Your Belief In You

*This was originally posted on May 13, 2017

By Les Brown

“I can’t do this.”

“I’ve never done this before.”

“Why does it matter. I’ll fail anyways.”

How many times have you or someone else you know said this?

I know I have.

I’ve passed up on many opportunities due to the lack of self-belief.

But why do we think this way?

Growing up, I’ve had to be my own champion.

I had to pump myself up before big events, whether it was interviewing for a new job or competing in a grappling tournament. Rarely did I have someone nearby to say, “You can do this. Believe in yourself.”

Rather, the opposite and would go something to the effect of, “You could get hurt! Why bother? It’s a waste of time!”

I remember those moments. For whatever reason, I couldn’t get those words out of my head.

Now older, I believe more than ever we need to be our own champions.

We need to tell ourselves that it’s possible, that we have the ability to mold our circumstances, that we have to be intrinsically motivated.

We need to fight for what we want in this life.

I remember the first time I stepped into the cage for my MMA debut.

It was easily the most nerving moment of my life. I mean, I was about to step into a cage, in front of hundreds of strangers, with another man who wanted to hurt me.

I was ready to face the very real possibility that I could have my arm snapped off or be knocked unconscious. Publicly, no less.

But I also believed in myself I was ready. Why?

I had completed an eight-week training camp, sparring week in and week out with the best training partners and having the best coaches around.

I knew I prepared the best I could. I was training twice a day, 6 days a week for my fight.

I knew in my heart that regardless of the outcome, I put in the hard work and dedication. I believed in myself.

Thankfully, the result was positive. I won.

With all that said, believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself when no one else will.

We’re our own worst enemies, and more importantly, our own strongest advocates.

It’s amazing what humans can achieve when we believe in ourselves.

Remember, time flies and days become months, months become years.

Whatever is on our minds that we want to achieve, take the first step. Just take an action.

You won’t regret it.

Fearing the Unknown

Table Of Contents
  1. Memory lane and where it started
  2. There’s a silver lining in all of this
  3. A new day to make a difference

*This post was made back in 2017.

“What gives your life purpose?”

Les Brown

I first heard this line maybe a month ago while randomly scrolling through YouTube.

Such a simple line.

So simple that I saved the video and now listen to it once a day.

And so I asked myself, what is my purpose? What do I have to fear?

Memory lane and where it started

During my days at UMass Amherst, I vividly recall asking myself where I wanted to be, what I wanted to accomplish, what were my dreams, and, like so many others, how I would make money (I still think about this).

There were many hard, painful days.

But the one thing I feared more than anything, more than any broken bone or punch to the face I’ve taken, was failing myself.

Giving up, to say it another way.

I remember when I failed an exam.

I remember when I lost my wrestling matches.

I remember not being accepted to my college of choice.

Heck, I remember when I cheated out of my lifting sets!

There’s a silver lining in all of this

But I remember the positive impact from all those experiences as well.

I learned I could deal with adversity, that I could own up and face my fears.

It wasn’t easy, and I’ll never advise that to anyone.

But it’s also why I savor those moments. We all can.

Because we can live to tell about it one day.

A new day to make a difference

With all that said, I continue to ask myself that very same question to this day.

What is my purpose?

What do I have to fear?

I know one thing’s for sure – I’ll keep pushing forward.

We only have this one life.

Live it.

How The Anchor Effect Can Lift You Through Tough Times

Table Of Contents
  1. What is the Anchor Effect?
  2. How You Can Use The Anchor Effect To Lift You
  3. My Personal Story
  4. Conclusion

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Winston Churchill

Many times in our lives we’ll face extremely difficult, almost impossible challenges.

Oftentimes, they happen randomly and unexpectedly.

You’re not prepared for them.

However, time and time again we’re able to face these challenges head-on.

Successfully or not, we get through them.

Let me share with you what I term the “Anchor Effect” and how it has helped me time and time again throughout my life.

What is the Anchor Effect?

Let’s start with how Wikipedia defines it.

“The anchoring effect is a cognitive bias whereby an individual’s decisions are influenced by a particular reference point or ‘anchor’. Once the value of the anchor is set, subsequent arguments, estimates, etc. made by an individual may change from what they would have otherwise been without the anchor.”

Wikipedia

In simple terms, our decisions are based on some previous experience we’ve had.

This is where my definition of the “Anchor Effect” comes into play for maximum, positive impacts.

I define it as “the ability to overcome inhumane, giant obstacles or challenges by leveraging past difficult experiences”.

Said another way, when you face a hard problem or challenging task anchor it on a previous hard experience.

How You Can Use The Anchor Effect To Lift You

Take a step back.

Breathe in.

Recollect all your challenging moments in life.

Remember what you felt in those moments: despair, disappointed, anxious, fearful.

Recall how, despite those emotions, you managed through.

Now let those moments be your guiding light for any difficult choices, decisions, or challenges up ahead.

Doing hard things becomes easier.

Because you’re allowing yourself to embrace fear, to embrace the difficult that lies ahead.

It’s only through these moments we truly find ourselves and what we’re capable of.

When you’re faced with these moments, write them down.

For example:

  • Create simple google spreadsheet
  • Write list of challenging experiences
  • Date each experience to reflect on
  • List how you managed through them and the impacts they had on you
  • Review periodically

This will be your “bible” when you face difficult challenges.

Your fears, your doubts, they won’t seem so big because you’ll be able to anchor them on your previous experiences.

My Personal Story

The “Anchor Effect” has been a big part of my life.

15 years ago, I was left homeless, penniless, and without family.

To be honest, I still don’t know how I managed to get through those times.

But deep down, I knew I would not quit.

Deep down, I knew I was a fighter. I was meant to fight through this.

Fast forward, being able to recall those tough experiences ultimately toughened me.

I learned to embrace fear head-on, to tackle the impossible, and to try new things.

The Anchor Effect is powerful.

It will make you do things you never thought imaginable.

Conclusion

So when you face life’s toughest moments (which will be many), refer back to the “Anchor Effect”.

Let it be your compass.

Know that you will get through these challenging moments.

That you will become stronger and more powerful from it.

Let those moments define you vs. breaking you.

Become a better version of yourself for it.

To my friends I’ve met throughout the US and the world, you inspire me.

It’s because of you I wrote this. I’m grateful we’ve had the chance to connect.

I’m reminded we’re not alone.

Stay strong.

Embrace the grind.

Taking action today can be life-changing

The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.

Eminem

Growing up, I was deeply fascinated by things.

Football, baseball, wrestling, boxing, fighting, internet, AIM (yup, we’re old), Myspace (what now?)…the list goes on.

I don’t know why, but I would get entrenched in the topic.

I would study the hell out of it, understand its basics and fundamentals, watch videos, and then discuss it with friends.

Yeah, they may have (most certainly were) annoyed,

But after graduating from college, I joined a Fortune 100’s finance management program.

And just like that, interests gone. Dwindled.

I stopped caring.

It wouldn’t be until December 2012, sitting on the porch with my whiskey that I realized I just stopped caring.

I let myself go.

I took no action.

That, right there, hurt more than anything.

I prided myself on taking action, trying harder, improving myself, and beating the odds.

On that chilly December night was my birthday and I started realizing how many regrets I had.

Damn

So I asked myself while dozing off, “What do I regret not doing that I could do NOW?”

Mixed martial arts.

That was it.

Since high school, I always wanted to try my hands at MMA and fighting inside the cage.

Why?

Because I was deathly scared.

Being punched in the face, being knocked out, being doubted, doubting myself.

I was petrified. It was paralyzing.

Yet, I wanted it more than anything.

I wanted it for one reason and one reason only:

To prove that I could overcome my fears.

That night was the turning point in my post-college life.

Many decisions thereafter came as a result of that night.

Choosing to live a better life, making money, dreaming of retirement and freedom, fighting inside the cage, volunteering and becoming a board member, being open to opportunities.

Simply, being alive again.

I was dead for a long time.

But that night, that cold night with 2-3 whiskeys down in me, made me realize I had to stop fucking around.

That was 2012.

That was 9 years ago.

So much has changed since then.

I have a son, fought inside the cage, quit my job, learned to code, started businesses, met incredible people, married love of my life and more.

All because of that one night.

My ask of you

What’s something you’re regretting now that you could take action on today?

What would you regret when you’re 80 years old reflecting back of your life?

Have you reached out to the people you love letting them know you love them?

Spend time reflecting. Block out 1-2 hours.

Don’t let another hour go by.

We’re all on a path to somewhere in life.

I truly believe we’re all fighters in one way or another.

Stay well.

The grind can be lonely

“Take the journey even if it means alone.”

Anonymous

Since November 2020, I’ve been running, executing, curating, marketing and financing Kick Ass Letters, a private community of like-minded people who are seeking to take on comfort challenges.

As someone who’s never ran either a weekly newsletter or a community, it’s been quite a experience.

On one end, I love it as I’m learning something new, meeting new faces, and connecting with like-minded people who want similar things in life.

On the other, it’s been a lonely journey that has me spending 95% of my time alone (the other 5% I spend meeting people on Lunchclub or attending Dru’s awesome Trends Tribe calls).

With all that said, this whole process been a grind.

As a parent to one little boy, a co-founder of an accounting business, and trying my best to be an amazing husband, I’m wary that my time is being allocated in multiple buckets.

What does that mean?

It can be overwhelming, although mentally I tell myself things are fine. (I know when they aren’t because I’ll start catching a cold or fever.)

One thing that’s been helpful for me to overcome this overwhelming feeling is to daily journal.

I try my best to be as honest as possible, to be truthful on where I can improve, and to be grateful for what I do have in my daily journal sessions.

Here’s an example of my Nimbus template below, feel free to duplicate here:

All that said, I’m really grateful and excited to keep Kick Ass Letters going.

We now have close to 300 subscribers, which is baffling.

What was a crazy idea to me at the time has become something that resonates with 300 others.

I hope Kick Ass Letters can become what I think it can — a movement for like-minded people who’re seeking to challenge themselves into becoming the best versions of ourselves.

I know we can do this.

It’ll be amazing to see how much we can accomplish when we get to do it together — as a community.

Look forward to sharing more updates with you. Stay tuned!

2020 Review & Perspectives

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”

2020, what a year.

Every year, I spend an hour or two doing all of the following:

  • Write up an annual review of what I’ve accomplished, need to improve, new bucket list items, and so on (using Notion this year for this)
  • Create next year’s financial budget (gives me comfort)
  • Write letters to myself and loved ones in the future using FutureMe

I do all of this because it’s incredibly important to me to not lose sight of who I am and to focus on my loved ones.

When I was working full time in my corporate position, I was losing sight of what mattered and what was important to me.

What was meant for me to live a fulfilling, happy and honest life was now just about doing anything and everything possible to get that illustrious promotion.

Honestly, it was burning me out and making me sad.

But it wasn’t until I started doing annual reviews of myself that I started to see the big picture: what I wanted to do, accomplish, try, eat, etc.

It gave me perspective on life.

This year was unlike any year. Because unlike years prior, we lived through a pandemic! Madness ?

But the pandemic also shed light into new opportunities. Here’s just a taste of what I was able to try and take challenge on as a result

  • Did a ton of networking & 1-1 calls through platforms like Lunchclub, Focusmate and communities like Trends.vc
  • Met some really amazing people like Noah Kagan, Dru Riley, and many more
  • Tackled the social media world through Linkedin and Twitter (I’m an introvert, so doing this kind of stuff gives me anxiety at times)
  • Tried a ton of growth experiments for our business Meet A4E and gained customers, subscribers, etc.
  • Launched my own newsletter Kick Ass Letters
  • Tried and experimented a ton of new no code tools like Airtable, Zapier, Mailerlite (I count it), Swipe Pages and many more
  • And finally, and most importantly, watched my son grow up right before my eyes with my wife – priceless

So as you can see, 2020, although being a very challenging year with respects to politics and of course covid, was a good year.

Did it yield all of the results I’d hope for? Not necessarily.

Did I hit all my goals? Not even close.

But I was happy? Yes.

And that’s what matters in the end.

At times, I do admittedly feel nervous, anxious and in general feel like I should have done more.

But I keep reminding myself, it’s the long game. Step by step, piece by piece.

In the end, this is my only life. Our only life.

I need to remind myself that things will be okay, to take a step back and reflect, and even more important, take a deep breath.

So yeah, there you have it.

2020, you’ve been awesome, amazing and at times, just awful.

But I’m thankful because I’m still here, with my wife and son, and surrounded by amazing, down-to-earth friends and people.

So to 2021, here we come. A new start, a new beginning, new goals and dreams, and a new year.

To all of you, have an amazing Happy New Year! ?

Videos that have made a big impact on me

“Good enough is not good enough if it can be better. And better is not good enough if it can be best.”

Over the years, I’ve watched a series of videos, specifically on Youtube, to gain insights and to be inspired.

I thought I’d share some of these videos that have helped inspire me, learn new things, gain new skills, and so on.

Here they are below:

Table Of Contents
  1. David Goggins – Train Your Mind
  2. Rick Rigsby – Simple Words
  3. Les Brown – Fear No Evil
  4. Les Brown – Think Your Way To Success
  5. Carl Sagan – We Humans Are Capable Of Greatness
  6. Carl Sagan – Pale Blue Dot
  7. Size Comparison of the Universe (shows how small we are)
  8. Final Thoughts

David Goggins – Train Your Mind

Rick Rigsby – Simple Words

Les Brown – Fear No Evil

Les Brown – Think Your Way To Success

Carl Sagan – We Humans Are Capable Of Greatness

Carl Sagan – Pale Blue Dot

Size Comparison of the Universe (shows how small we are)

Final Thoughts

There have been many more videos I’ve watched that have helped shape me, which I’ll make another post on soon.

But these videos are ones I come back to time and time again. They help me reflect, see what’s important and realize how insignificant we actually are in the grand scheme of things.

Why’s that important?

Because we should pursue what we love with intense devotion. Make it matter.

They also serve as a reminder that being kind and nice pays off. Because our lives are too short and we never know if tomorrow will come.

Live life fully, be happy, and treat people well.

Focus on what matters to you

“The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus.”

Focus on what you can control.

Focus on what you can take action on.

Focus on the people that you care about.

Focus on what matters to you.

Focus on your priorities.

Focus on what makes you happy.

Whatever your focus is, embrace it and go for it.

There’s 24 hours a day, and every second is ticking away.

Try not to allow negative people sway you from your dreams.

Be positive, be around positive people, and be around supportive people.

Whatever it is you do, be proud and go for it.

Focus on a direction, make a choice, and push forward.

Life’s just a series of choices

If you think about it, life’s just a series of choices.

Should I eat this? ✅/❌

Should I apply for that job? ✅/❌

Should I quit my job? ✅/❌

As you can see, when confronted with decisions we just have to make a choice.

Right or wrong.

Sure, you could say maybe.

But that just then leads to delays, indecisiveness, and lack of progress.

Here’s a great quote from Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon:

In the end, we are our choices. Build yourself a great story.
Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon
Tweet

The average age of death in the US is currently 78.93 (source).

Translated into days, that’s approximately 28,809.45 days to live (calculation).

In 2017 when I quit my corporate career, I deeply reflected and asked myself what I would be doing for the next 50 years.

Mindlessly crunching numbers in Excel at wee hours into the night for a cause I could careless?

Hell no.

It wasn’t until I quit my job in 2017 that I realized it was up to me to make my own choices, to pave my own path, and to take control of my decisions.

No one else was going to do that for me.

In the end, that’s all it is — choices.

Trust your gut, take a leap of faith, and push forward.

Live life, be happy.

Kick Ass Letters is live!

Kick Ass Letters

Finally, I’ve officially launched Kick Ass Letters, a crowdsourced weekly email challenge series to help people take action towards self-growth and personal development.

I decided to create this project for many reasons, but the main one was to ultimately help people who may be struggling to find motivation and purpose in life.

Why?

Because this was me.

It wasn’t until I made a choice back in 2017 to quit my job and backpack Southeast Asia that I felt alive again. I felt like I could do something that was beyond being a corporate drone.

I also decided to create this project because I understand what it’s like to be depressed and sad feeling unfulfilled.

I lived many, many years in depression and sadness after the loss of both parents and a younger sister. I never opened up about this to friends because I always felt like a burden.

That’s another reason I created this project.

Community.

I wanted to create something special for others to learn, grow and perhaps even make friends.

Life’s just too fucking short to live in anger, sadness and political bullshit.

So my hope and goal with Kick Ass Letters is to make people feel alive again and live with a sense of purpose.

But I’m also aware many won’t understand or come along with this journey.

And that’s okay.

I hope in time more and more people will join this movement.

The world has seen enough suffering, and I hope we can all fight together and embrace each other.

Yes, I’m an optimist.

In fact, I consider myself an optimistic nihilist. ?

If life doesn’t matter and no one cares, then why not do what we want to do without hurting others.

That’s my approach at least.

Anyways, I hope you will join me with Kick Ass Letters.

I hope you will be part of this movement.

I hope we can do this together.

Most importantly, I hope we can live our best lives, be happy and show our love to the people who matter most to us.

Till next time ?