There I was, in the first grade, witnessing my own mother trying to end her life.
I was so young I didn’t quite know what was happening, but I did know that she wasn’t breathing.
It was the four of us, and we were crying our eyes out hoping she would wake up.
“Please wake up,” I said as tears fell down my cheeks.
Please wake up.
We were just kids.
Experiencing these kinds of moments at such a young age is hard.
Normally, kids and families shower each other with love and affection, have family picnics with friends and relatives, enjoy their childhood, and not have to face the harsh realities of death, sadness, depression, and loneliness at a young age.
My mother faced many demons, many of which I didn’t know about till much later.
While growing up, we lived through an extremely difficult childhood as my father would constantly scream and shout at us while our mother would guzzle her favorite alcoholic beverage every night.
And after that, my dad would go on to scream at our mother, which then our mother would scream right back at us. It was a vicious cycle.
Every day felt like misery.
There were so many memories of me crying in my bed, praying I wouldn’t be screamed at again. My siblings went through the exact emotions – we were in constant fear.
You never forget.
Those memories will forever remain
As I’ve gotten older, those memories have never disappeared.
Sometimes, those memories motivate me to do more and persevere. Other times, those memories drag me down. I’m human.
My mother ended up suddenly passing away 18 years ago while I was still in high school.
I was right beside her to witness her breathe her final breath. Down to the last hour and last minute.
It was painful.
You’re not alone
For those who have experienced something similar, just know that I empathize with you.
Although you may not hear it every day, you’re loved and cared for. This world can be very misunderstanding, but know that there are many, many others out there just like you.
You’re not alone.
You will persevere.
You will get through this.
Have you experienced something similar in your life?